Hotel Hosenbugler

Can you imagine how many towels are washed everyday in all the hotels all over the world?

We don’t need to know.

Nationally we tend to like our amateurs but this time there was only one version

La Vie de Boheme – splash – children filling the empty blue sky with brushstrokes

before someone turned the celebrated cellar dive

in verbal terms a cow

by Egypt – he’d never seen the pyramids

1981. Does he still feel that?

I think you start off in my head and end up by a phone box in an armchair waiting

I’m not Joseph Wright of Derby and Hockney is I think

But it wasn’t always so.

You feel the changes day by day possibly as attempts

to cling to a remembered world and India, in particular, or is this inhabiting

the modern world in a way that unquestionably does communicate an innocence

that rarely seems contrived.

It is.

But it wasn’t always so

in Bradford and more recently in Bridlington

Utopias turn sour

Crumpets and Darjeeling

happened

We don’t need to know how

the ceiling by Tiepolo is not entirely

a horse which has been flogged

but here goes

For the moment he’s not getting anywhere (And Bloomsbury

once unwrapped by the apricot light would not take kindly to our depiction of the mysteries

Egging the pudding sounds bizarre but

we don’t need to know how the apricot light (And Bloomsbury

can segue smoothly from the local economy to

you never know     listen     ears or     her hair

freshly crimped realises that only she can

but she is, as she explains, a woman cornered in a well

that gave you arms implausibly

strained through the prism of Mozart

90 ft up in an ancient ebony tree so that

closes Act One

II

There was something quite romantic about that trip to Poland

It was springtime – everything was in bloom

the police and the various borough councils.

Whether it was flicking through the newspapers in the morning,

lazing through lunch, or simply enjoying a late night drink,

we were short of the mark

Towels placed in the bath means ‘That’s enough’

Towels placed in on the towel rail means

‘Hello, my name is Andrew

I have prepared your room

low over the gas fields of the Caspian Sea’

Needless to say the yield is not great

It was absolutely stunning

We might as well have been reading out a shopping list

Book of Lust

Deep Throat Island

Thrust Faults

Lucent Shields

Loosestrife

Haywire

Hello

I have prepared the green glass headquarters on the river

and we hope to have the pleasure in the not too distant future both enjoyable and worthwhile

in assisting you whether you are compiled in an endeavour or in the space below

so that I can trust you had a pleasant pleasure and we hope to have taken the liberty

and the facilities should you wish to sample these during your stay

whether you are flicking through the newspapers, lazing through lunch,

or simply enjoying the trouser press

Iiiii eee Iiii eee Iii wiiiiill alwaaaays loooove yooooou

But he is, as he explains, a long way off and fluttering

need not worry us as the canyon slowly, implausibly, through the prism of Mozart,

grew ears

Needless to say, that’s enough

Step out of line and there’s blood all over the floor

but I would say that rolling along, idly gazing out of the window at the next world

both enjoyable and worthwhile

or simply

arms

He need not worry

You never know

Listen

I don’t

I haven’t brought it

The canyon is unendingly immediate

I’ll use it again in just over an hour

Meantime I look forward to the opportunity for more

Darjeeling and Crumpets

peeps out from behind buck teeth

‘Hello my name is Andrew

I have your complimentary Scotsman

He says you’re looking great

but he would say that

but it wasn’t always so

but equally if the winter is really harsh, the herders may need to eat the goats before their

coats are ready to moult.